Can I just say how half-assed some adults are this generation… I cant say I have a horrible life, but I know its bad enough! I work my ass off to please these mentally-ill fucks, just to be ripped apart, telling me “my friends dont care and no-one does”. I come to my one friend I can trust for help, but its not like she can do anything because Im too broken… But I know shes listening because she acknowledges the tears that pore onto her desk in class. She see’s what I’m going through and she helps me pull though until I can get home. I look down at my wrists to see the skin ripped clean off… I scratch myself repeatedly to distract myself from the pain that’s keeping my heart in a head-lock. I hear screaming from my mom, but my pain drowns it out. But at the same time, that pain is screaming in my ear. I feel like a schizophrenic who’s trapped in a cell full of lies and deceit.

I lie awake at night… my mind races!

My best friend is in a Crisis Center, My parents show fake love to make me feel like I belong in the world, I lost many of my friends in the change of grades and I feel more disgusting than ever.

I hate my body. I lie about my weight to make myself feel good. I’m 15 years old, am six foot, and weight a whopping 225 pounds. I haven’t dropped weight since 7th grade. Its not like I have given up on that, It’s just that my body chooses not to cooperate with me.

My life’s a sick, twisted pool of ruined children and over-powering adults. I look around and see the main part of my grade getting shit-faced. Spending their weekend nights drinking… smoking…. passing out trying to pretend. Pretend to fit in…

It doesn’t work. Their lying to themselves… Just like Im lying to myself.. I’ve contemplated suicide an estimated amount of 10 - 12 times. I get shit from people at a higher level than me… Saying “Your a Joke. You think taking your own life will make things better?” … I never really though of making the happening things better. I thought It would  just stop everything..

I could be put to rest underground where Im alone…

No Sounds

No Worries

No Problems

….

I’ve given up on that hope. I wouldn’t kill myself because I still tell myself that I do matter to some others…

Even though it is only a few, I would hate to see them leave reality for that underground get-away we call

“Suicide”

Just because I had gone though with it myself…

If you read this. I want you to not bother me If I seem down a certain day. You can tell. If you look me straight in the eye, you can feel my heartless soul trying to find an escape, but until then, I just want to be alone with my thoughts.

Thanks for taking you’r time to read this because if you have, I praise you for caring because you would be one of the few that had.

- With Love and All My Heart,

Ron